Healing The Scars
by FallAngel
Summary: The road to healing is a long road, but when you happened to meet someone that takes you're breath away, it somehow seemes less long, and perhaps, you're not as lonely as you thought...
1. Chapter 1

I know I said I was going to take a break from all of this, but since certian things has happened this past few days, I needed something to focus on..

Okay, so Right now I'm in the middle of a panic stage, and excited at the same time.. Mostly becuase I know there is no one who's take this road when it comes to a fan fic plot, so I'm not sure what you people are going to think, and other panics are more of personal matter..

I have to thank Kim (Naptown) twice right now, one becuase she gave me the idea to this plot, not to mention giving me that first push and sticking by me through this story , and second becuase she took a swing at the gramma part.. If there are any mistakes left, they are all mine..

Enjoy

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Prolog:

He's the guy next door, He's a man with the sharp memory of a little boy who never got over the excitement of engines and sirens and smoke and danger.

He's a guy like you and me with warts and worries and unfulfilled dreams, yet he stands taller than most of us.

He's a fireman! He puts it all on the line when the bell rings. A fireman is one of the most fortunate and the least fortunate of men.

He's a man who savors life because he has seen too much death.

He's a gentle man because he has witnessed the awesome power of violent forces out of control. He's a man responsive to a child's laughter because his arms have held too many small bodies that will never laugh again

He's a man who appreciates the simple pleasures of life... hot coffee held in numbed unbending fingers... the gust of fresh air pumping through smoke and fire convulsed lungs.... a warm bed for bones and muscles compelled beyond feeling... the camaraderie of brave men, the divine peace of selfless service and a job well done in the name of humanity.

He doesn't wear buttons or wave flags or shout obscenities and when he marches, it is to honor his fallen comrade. He doesn't preach the brotherhood of man. He lives it!!

Chapter 1:

Luke groaned loudly as the phone's loud ring tone filled the empty cold house. He knew that he should probably answer it, but that meant getting up from the bed and just the thought of it made him want to snuggle deeper into the warmth that his bed provided him. With a heavy sighed he threw the covers away and slowly made his way over to the phone, which seemed like a thousand miles away at the moment.

"Snyder." He answered with a hoarse voice.

"You sound terrible honey." His husbands light voice sparked on the other end.

"Thanks." Luke muttered back.

"Seriously though, how are you feeling? When I spoke with you yesterday you sounded much better"

"I feel like a truck just ran over me" Luke sighed, as another wave of dizziness hit, making him stubble a little before grabbing hold of the table.

"My poor baby."

"Yeah, well, your poor baby wants his husband to come home now." Luke pouted on the other end, well aware that it wouldn't work on his husband who was miles away from home.

He was getting tired of never seeing him and, it was a quite miracle that they had managed get married in the first place. He knew that on some level his husband's boss had a secret crush on his husband; why else would you try to ruin a wedding, not to mention, keep sending him on business trip after business trip.

"It's just for a couple of days more Luke."

"You said those exact words three days ago." Luke pointed out.

"Well, something came up."

"It always does" Luke muttered. "You know, one of these days I think you'll be glued to your desk, and won't be able to come home to your poor lonely husband.

"Luke, I swear, if I'm not home by Friday, you can personally punish me," there was a sight serious tone in his voice.

"Does that mean if I want to drag you to one of those terribly bad action movies that I know you hate, have a nice dinner at that Italian restaurant where you personally think one of the waiters has a crush on me, and recreate our wedding night, I can?" He asked with a teasing voice.

"Absolutely."

"Really?"

"Yes, but on one condition though."

"What?"

"You need to get better first; that means a lot of rest and food for you Mister."

"Like your mother isn't smothering me enough as it is."

"Luke," He heard his husband reply being interrupted by another voice in the announcing "Last call to…" but the last word was muffled into the background as soon as it had come.

"Wait?... Are you at the airport?"

"They don't have airports in New York Luke or at least not where I am."

"Then where are you if you don't mind me asking?"

"Train station."

"What are you doing at a train station?

"Obviously going on a train" His husband replied with a chuckle. "I've got to go, love you."

"Love you too." Luke managed to reply before hearing a click as the phone line went dead. He starred at it for a moment, trying to think back of what he was sure he had heard in the background, but when another dizziness wept by, he left the thought and slowly started to walk back to the now cold bed.

Luke could have sworn that he heard the front door being unlocked and then carefully close, as if the person who walked in, did his or hers best to make as little noise as possible, so as not to wake him up. He heard someone place a duffle bag down on what could have been the sofa with a light thud, again trying to make no noise at all, and a second later foot steps walking over the wooden floor.

He could have sworn that he heard his bedroom door creak, as it always did when someone opened it, and a pair of footsteps creeping closer to the bed. He moved slightly in his sleep as he felt a weight onto the madras followed by a light feather kiss on his forehead.

Whoever it was seemed to leave the room as quietly as he or she had come, the door creaking again as it was closed.

Luke would have sworn it he heard something, but maybe it was only his fever playing tricks on him.

Luke slowly woke up from his sleep, the dream still like a clear picture in his mind. He slowly rose from the bed, bring the cover with him, swept like a big blanket around him and when out to the living room. He let his eyes glance across the room and into the hallway; everything seemed to be exactly where it was before. He touched his forehead where the touch still seemed to linger.

_'It just seemed to be so real… I guess my fever really is playing tricks on me.'_He thought still looking around the room.

He shook his head as his stomach growled, breaking his thought. He walked to the kitchen; nothing seemed to be out of place there either.

His movements were slow and unsteady as he started to pick up a pan and a moment later the stove was ready to be used. After what seemed to have taken forever he managed to cook some chicken soup, and even balance the hot bowl back to the bedroom.

As Luke walked back to the bedroom, he didn't notice the extra pair of shoes almost hidden in the hallway, or the half-closed guestroom where a tall, dark headed man was resting peacefully, almost invisible, nor did he smell the smoke that had started filling the house, and he didn't notice the small flame creeping over the floor from the kitchen as he went back into a peaceful sleep.

The sound of sirens filling the neighborhood didn't managed to wake Luke up, as both he and his husband had gotten used to it over the past month, since they lived to close by a fire station. However, the sound had started to increase loudly, almost as if they were right outside his door and if Luke hadn't had a fever, he might have woken up.

However, he did wake up a while later, as a dull pain started to spread across his arm. Luke yelled loudly as it started to increase, and soon he was fully wake, to find his left arm burning. The flames where digging into his flesh, and a helpless scream started to fill the room.

Somehow, despite the pain he managed to stand up, and crawled off the bed, but the fire had already spread across the room, trapping him behind the bed with no way out, as the fire crept closer, surrounding him completely, he couldn't stop screaming as the pain was overtaking his whole system.

Luke knew it was matter only a matter of time before he would either passed out, or let the pain embraces him, to let the darkness come and take him.

_'Oh my god… This is isn't it? I'm going to die'._

He thought as tears started floating down his face. Maybe it was tears of sorrow, or simply just the burning pain that he wouldn't even describe to begin with, maybe it was both.

_'I don't want to go.'_

Noah took a deep breath and swallowed as he saw the burning house in front of him; he could hear the scream inside filling, what would have been a wonderful the night. The flames where spreading fast and faster and he knew it was only matter of minutes before the whole house would collapse.

Without fear or even hesitation he started running into the house, as long as there were a breathing soul in that house, he would save it. As long as air filled those lungs, he would make sure that its heart didn't give up, as long as there were life in that house which stood in flames, he wouldn't give up.

It didn't take long for him to find whoever was in the house. His eyes tear filled from the smoke came face to face with the blond standing behind the flames with tears streaming down his face from fear and the smoke. He rushed to the man, and soon the flames that danced across his skin where gone, leaving a burned mark. Carefully he lifted the blond into his arms, and slowly exited the room, as the flames tried to grab a hold of them.

They were almost by the front door, when whatever had managed to hold the house up, fell apart, blocking the front door, hitting Noah's arm in the process. He held back a moan as he managed to jump out of the way as it created a cloud of dust; he looked down at the blond who was clinging to him.

"We're going to be fine" He whispered as he tried to find another way out of the house. The flames where burning and he knew that they couldn't stay another minute inside this house, or else the blond would suffocate to death. Scanning the room one more time, he finally saw a window near them, free from any fire.

Noah took deep breath as he started to walk towards the window, as soon they finally reached it, unharmed. He carefully handed the blond to one of his colleague, and as soon as he saw that the blond was safe, he slowly made his way of the house.

"Noah, are you okay?" John asked, as he saw his friend holding his shoulder as he walked back to the fire truck.

"I'm fine" He replied back, still massaging his shoulder as he kept his eyes on the paramedics as they franticly worked on the blond. "Just hit my shoulder on the way out"

"Then go with the ambulance."

"What? No" He protested.

"You know the rules Noah, if you get injured in anyway; it's straight to the hospital, no matter how small your injuries are."

Noah sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win this one as slowly made his way towards the ambulanced and hopped in. He almost hoped that one of the paramedics would protest, but they reminded silent.

"Is he going to be okay?" Noah asked and nodded towards the blond.

"He suffered a third degree on his left arm, but as long as we can keep him calm so he doesn't go into shock, he should make it through." The female answered as she closed the door and started the car.

He saw how the blond started to pull of the oxygen mask. "Shhh" He whispered as carefully removed his hand from the mask. "You're going to be fine."

"You need to call my husband." The blond somehow managed to whisper with a hoarse smoke laden voice.

"We will" Noah replied with a soft voice and he saw how the blond relaxed a bit more. "You just rest and let the doctors take care of you."

Noah hated hospitals, mostly because he had spent what seemed like half a lifetime there, so being sent for something as little as a shoulder irritated him, especially since he needed to get home as soon as possible.

Finally, the doctor arrived and almost left as quickly as he had come. He started pulling his shirt back on and was ready to leave the exam room, when he saw John, his boss, walking in.

"So?"

"Nothing broken, just a small bruise, that's all."

He saw how John blew out a breath that he seemed to been holding. "Glad to hear everything is fine."

Noah rose to get his jacket, but he couldn't help to glance at John, who had a sad look on his face. He immediately recognized that look; it was one of those looks when they didn't manage to save someone.

"What's going on?" Noah asked as he straightened his jacket. "Everything went fine today, we saved a life."

"Yeah, but apparently he wasn't the only one in there."

"Oh No" Noah was beyond shock.

"Yeah, they found another body. His name is Scott Snyder, they were married and he was supposed to be in a business trip according to a friend, but it apparently he came home early to surprise his husband. "

"And he didn't know?"

John shook his head, he swallowed before continuing. "The stove was on, and it seems that a towel had been near and caught on fire which made it spread. He was found in the guestroom, suffocated by the smoke, so at least he didn't have to suffer.

"Shit." Noah swore.

"I thought you wanted to know… As soon as he gets out of surgery, I'm going to have to tell him. "

"You mean us" Noah corrected him.

"No, I" John said. "You need to go home before a certain she is going to start calling half of the fire department again, to know if you're still alive" He managed to muster up a smile.

"She did do that last time, didn't she?" Noah remembered, he too managed to force a smile.

"Oh yeah, and if we can, we want to avoid that happening again, so go home!" John said, as he started to push him towards the doors.

"All right, I'm going" Noah said with a laugh as he started to walk down the corridor.

"Home!" John yelled before he disappeared out of sight.

As he walked through the white halls filled with hospital smell, he caught a glimpse of the blond being wheel towards the E.R…

"I'm so sorry" Noah whispered quietly, and he truly was because he had been right there, he had faced the same thing Luke would be facing the moment he woke up.

T.b.c

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As always, comments warm my heart... I really hope I didn't scare anyone away... and for those who are wondering about Nothing Is Ever Simple, I won't be writing anything on that one until I manage to get this out of my system..


	2. Chapter 2

_**Healing the Scars**_

**Chapter 2**

"I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken"

_"I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken"_

Two Months Later. . .

Luke fought against the thick black fog surrounding his mind like a heavy blanket to open his eyes. A white ceiling greeted the tired orbs. He immediately recognized the room. He had seen it too many times already. The kidney transplant he got when he was younger, and the many checkups had left him quite famliar with hospital ceilings.

_I'm in a hospital...what I'm doing here?_

He franticly scanned the room as his mind tried to work the missing pieces together. There was something missing. Something wasn't right. He could feel it. There were two nurses standing just a few feet away. They started to walk closer to his bed. But no one else. Scott was nowhere around.

_Where is he?_

He willed his racing heart to slow down as he looked down at his hands were resting on either side. Just like the rest of his body, they felt as heavy as lead. An IV was attached to his right arm and that's when he noticed a long bandage across his left.

_What happened?_

"Mr. Snyder?" One of the nurses had taken a step forward and now stood next to his bed. "I'm Alice, and this is Sally." She gestured a hand towards an older woman standing near her. "We're going to take good care of you."

Luke looked up with a confused look on his bruised face. "What happened to me?" He asked in a near inaudible whisper.

"You and your husband were in a house fire," Alice said, her voice soft.

A glimpse of a fire flashed through his mind.

"Where is my husband?" Luke asked with trembling voice as he gazed at the two women. A part of him already knew the answer. His mind had done the math. It was right there in Alice's sad brown eyes.

"He didn't make it, did he?"

"I'm so sorry."

Luke lowered his eyes and swallowed hard as he tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall. Luke saw how Alice glanced over to the other woman. She seemed to ask permission to say something. But a frowning Sally shook her head while administering a slight warning to the younger woman.

"We're going to leave you alone for a moment. But if you need anything, just push the button by your bed here; and one of us will come running. OK?"

Luke nodded. But his mind had already shut out her words. They were only a low buzzing in his ears. He felt it when Alice gave his arm a light squeeze as if to comfort him. But the touch felt cold and so unfamiliar; not like the touch he had wanted to feel. The relief washed over him as he heard footsteps and a door being carefully closed, indicating that they were leaving the room.

Luke leaned his head back against the fluffy pillow and gazed up toward the white ceiling, letting his thoughts drift. He closed his eyes, and took his body and mind back to that horrifying night.

It could have been a second or an hour, when he his eyes snapped opened again in reaction to pure horror. Luke was breathing heavily, almost as if he had ran a mile uphill. He felt like someone had dropped a bucket of cold water over him. But the memory was still clearly floating in his mind. For a moment as he looked down at his bandage arm, he wished it had only been a nightmare. But it wasn't. It was indeed reality from which there was no escape.

_I killed my husband_

Luke buried his head deep into the pillow. His nails dug into his fingers as he struggled to hold back the scream filling his lungs waiting to escape. Finally those tears that had been trying to break free were released.

Luke later found out that he had been in a drug-induced coma for almost two months after his entire left arm sustained a third-degree burn in the fire. Doctors often put patients with severe burns in this state; where the body feels no pain and the person isn't aware of the situation. Instead, they enjoy a restful sleep while where undergoing multiple surgeries.

Apparently, he had already had four or five of those skin ripping and skin grafting procedures as they called it. It was done to help the arm heal by removing skin. It also worked to reduce scarring by making it less visible. But no matter how many times they worked on him, Luke knew that the scar would never completely disappear.

Six months later...

Most people would have considered this to be a beautiful summer day. Perhaps the best so far of the season. The sun was shining brightly  
and the sky was clear as far as the eye could see.

But for Luke, the only word to describe today would be Hell.

Most people would have enjoyed the warmth of the sun as it danced over their skin, tanning them. They would have relished in the light breeze weeping like a soft touch as it moved through the trees.

But not Luke. His footsteps were slow as they inched toward his destination. He slowly dropped to his knees. He reached out his hand to touched the grave where his husband now rested peacefully.

The tears would start dropping any minute. But Luke didn't care. Despite everything that had happened - all the treatments, the pain and the loss - a part of him still thought this was all just a bad dream. And at any minute, he would wake up to find himself in his husband's warm and safe embrace.

But Scott's grave site proof that all of this was real. His husband was never coming back.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he reached out and let his right index finger traced the engraved outline of his husband's name.

_I killed you._

Luke knew that if Scott were there, he would have told him that it was an accident. That's what other people had tried to tell him. But none of them had even come close to experiencing a situation like his. So how the h'ell could they possibly know?

Luke wasn't sure how long he sat there just starring at the grave, when he suddenly felt a presence nearby. He looked up to find a tall man with dark hair resting back on his own knees a few feet away. He too was letting his finger follow the letters engraved into the grave marker.  
Suddenly the man looked up, and for a moment, their eyes met. Realizing that he had been caught starring at the man, Luke lowered his gaze. He quickly stood up, brushing the dirt off his jeans.

As he started walking away, Luke could feel the man's gaze. A small part of him couldn't help to look behind his shoulder. To his surprise, he saw the man walking toward him.

"Wait!" the man yelled as he run to catch up with Luke. He caught his shoulder and sprung him around. "You didn't have to leave. " He panted a bit.

"I didn't want to bother you." Luke blushed as he realized how stupid that sounded. It was a grave yard. Everyone was allowed there, He hadn't even bothered the man. He had just been caught starring - not a crime in itself. Well, not really.

"Yo-you didn't," the man replied examining Luke more closely. Luke looked up to find himself starting into the bluest eyes he had ever seen. "I'm sorry. But you look very familiar. Have we meet before?" He tilted his head and gazed back at Luke.

"I don't think so." Luke shook his head. "I would have recognized those blue eyes." He mumbled as another wave of blush spread across his cheeks.

The man took a step closer. "You look so familiar." He whispered as he drank in all of Luke's facial features and let his eyes travel down Luke's neck; and across his shoulders and further down.

As he came across Luke arms, he suddenly stopped as a small gasp escaped his lips. "Oh no."

Pure instinct drove Luke to hide his arm behind his back.

"You're Luke Snyder."

Stunned by what was coming out from the man's mouth, he could only nod at first and then confirm the man's suspicions.

"Yeah, that's me."

Looking past the man's blue eyes, Luke finally saw it. "You're the firefighter who saved me. Noah, right?"

The man nodded. "Yeah, that's me." He smiled a little as he shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe I'm actually meeting you, and in the grave yard of all places.

Luke just stood there, not sure what he should do or say to the man, who saved his life. "They told me..." he began, gathering strength, "that you didn't know that my husband was inside, too."

"That's right." Noah's blue eyes suddenly looked appeared incredibly sad. "We had been told that you were the only one in the house when the report first and that your husband was away on a business trip." Noah looked down at the ground as he spoke, afraid to see the hurt in the blonde's eyes. "I don't know if it's any comfort. But he didn't suffer. . . unlike you."

"Unlike me?" Luke whispered more to himself than to Noah.

"Yes," Noah replied quietly.

Growing uncomfortable, Luke hastily said good-bye and turned to leave. But once again Noah grabbed his shoulder.  
He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a business card.

"If you ever need someone to talk to...someone who knows what you've been through, call me." He pressed the card into Luke's hand and then turned and left.

Luke stared as the man disappeared behind some nearby oak trees. After taking one last glimpse at Scott's grave, Luke started heading back home.

Luke grew angry as he caught another man staring at him.

When Luke used to walked down a street, he knew people sometimes turned their heads. He had his own theory as to why. Those moments made him feel a bit proud of his appearance. But that was before the fire. Now, whenever he stopped or slowed down, he would catch people staring at his arm. Some appeared morbidly fascinated while others seemed a bit disgusted.

Luke's recent bus ride illustrated this point. No one seemed to bother with him except for this one guy, who wouldn't stop staring. Luke slowly moved his hands behind his back as he angrily starred back. But the guy's eyes were glued to where his arm had been only a moment ago. He kept his eyes trained on the man as he slowly started walking toward him. It wasn't until then that the insensitive jerk seemed to notice he had been caught. He lowered his gaze. He quickly looked away. Luke glared angrily at the man as the bus pulled up to Luke's stop and he got off. .

He turned around to see the bus driving off down the road. The mystery man remained a mystery, but hardly forgotten.

Luke shook his head, trying to forget the man's insulting stare. But it had become common place in his life along with a lot of other things, like the hospital visits, the questions and the loneliness. All the same, these moments when he caught people staring at him, somehow seemed to upset him nonetheless.

He started walking through the neighborhood park, when suddenly a little girl perhaps 8 or 9 coming walking toward him. They passed each other, and then little girl ran back to him.

"Excuse me," she said as she drew closer. "I was just wondering what happened to you arm." She pointed toward his arm once again hidden behind Luke's back.

"Hhm. . .I was in an accident," Luke replied in a somewhat kind, soft voice. But another part of him was boiling mad because this wasn't the way to act toward strangers.

_Calm down, she's just a little girl... You can't tell a young girl that it's none of her business. _

"Did it hurt?" she asked, tilting her head, her big green eyes staring at him.

Luke nodded. "Yeah. It hurt a lot."

"I'm sorry," the girl replied as her eyes quickly changed from being filled with curiosity to sadness.

"It's OK," he shrugged. Out of the corner of his eye, Luke noticed someone apparently the child's mother approaching them.

"You can't go and ask a stranger something like that, Nina," the woman said as she grabbed the little girl's hand. "I'm very sorry," she mumbled before dragging away Nina.

Luke watched them walk away before he started heading home.

_The end to just another day. . ._

He thought as he threw his keys on the kitchen table. He slowly undressed and walked into the bedroom. As he put his wristwatch on the nightstand, he spotted the business card given to him at the cemetery.

_Noah Mayer, huh? The man who saved my life._

The firefighter's home address along with a cell phone number and email address was printed on the card. A weird feeling crept through Luke as he stared at it. It was as if something was telling him to call Mayer.

Luke snatched up the card and threw it away before climbing into his lonely bed.

_I DON'T NEED TO TALK TO ANYONE ! No one can help me because no one understands. How could they? I'm responsible for killing another person because I forgot to turn off the oven. And how many times did Scott nag about me changing the batteries to the smoke alarm? _  
He stared up at the ceiling as if it somehow held an answer for how to deal with this hellish, living pain.

Despite Luke's best efforts to ignore the card - rolling over and pulling up the covers - it seemed to call to him from the floor near the trash basket. Unable to ignore it any further, Luke threw off the covers. He bent down to pick up the card and placed it back on the With a sight he threw the cover away and picked the card up and placed it back on the nightstand.

_I really hate the summer_

He thought as the nightmares once again claimed him.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Healing the Scars**_

**Chapter 3**

I have arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I have been doing. - **Alice Koller**

Luke starred at the old wooden clock, one of the few things that at survived the fire without as much as a scratch. This little device held time in itself, such as simple device it was as it went on with its ticking, a steady rhythm and an easy way of living its life. He sighted heavily as it showed time being past, second by second.

_I need to get a life_

A part of him was strangely angry at the clock. It was standing there, letting the apartment being filled with the slowly ticking. However, that stupid clock was constantly showing and reminding him what he could never have and what he was missing, by sitting inside his apartment, scared of a world that he was not used to anymore. The world he had gotten to know had changed, into something he did not like and Luke knew it would never be the same again.

_I have to stop what I have been doing and just accept how things are. It won't go away, but I can make a change. _

He got up from his chair and walked over the phone that was nearby, while trying hard not think about the business card that was tucked inside his pocket, waiting to be picked up. Ignoring the urge, from the business card, he picked up the phone and dialed the number that used to be his savior, a long time ago. He was hoping it would be again, a small part of him praying that this small connection hadn't been cut off too.

"Hey Cody" He said.

*

He took a deep breath as he stepped out of the car, letting the smell of hay and horses fill his mind. He could already feel atmosphere in his mind change and it had been a long time since he stepped a foot here, but desperate times called for desperate needs.

"Luke"

Luke sprung around as he heard his name being called out; only to meet two blue eyes sparkling at him. Suddenly two strong arms came around him, trying to involve him into a hug.

"It's nice to see you again," Cody said, his hug a little too tight and long, the smile a bit too bright for Luke's liking. "

You too" Luke mumbled back, trying to sound like he meant it.

Cody nodded towards the stable. "She's waiting for you inside"

"Thanks" he said quickly as he passed Cody, wanting to get as far as possible from Cody. He almost ran to the stable, shutting the stable door quickly. He looked up and took in the familiar surrounds and smell.

_Home_

His mind whispered softly and for the first time since the accident, Luke didn't feel like world was a horrible place to be in, on the contrary, this little moment made it durable to live a little.

He let his gaze travel to Jupiter who was standing a couple of feet away; her brown beautiful head was peeking out from the box. She neighed quietly when she noticed his presence and Luke couldn't help to smile a little at the gesture, so insignificant and yet it meant the world to him. He walked over, following the dirty stable stall walls with his hand and as he reached her stall, he stroked her gently.

"Missed me?" He asked. Almost as if Jupiter could hear him, she pushing him slightly, making him stumble for a moment before regaining his balance.

"I take that as a yes" He chuckled as he kept petting her and was surprised how easily it slipped out from his mouth, without causing any pain.

"Wild Fire, Stop it"

Luke turned around at the voice, but stopped half way in his movement and a little gasp escaped because right in front of him stood the gorgeous firefighter with the blue eyes, trying to get the horse to lift its hoof.

Noah turned around and looked at him with a bright smile as he opened the box door, making Luke's heart pace a little faster as he gazed at him.

"Hi" Luke said, knowing that those words sounded like a tangled mess to his own ear, and that they came out as a small stutter, as the nervous feeling in his stomach refused to disappear.

"Hi"

Luke swallowed as he unconsciously took a step closer to Noah, the smile still there, so damn bright. "Hi"

Noah chuckled slightly as he closed the door softly. "You already said that"

"Oh yeah, I did…" He lowered his head to hid the blush that had started to spread over his face.

_Stupid.. Stupid… Stupid…_

Another smile was sent his way, and Luke could feel how his heart fluttered a little faster, his steps a little closer to the brunette and he found himself starring into those heaven blue eyes, feeling how he was falling deeper, lost, but it wasn't the same feeling he got when he kept thinking back how his world had changed.

Luke tilted his head as he kept his gaze at Noah, who was starring back at him, his eyes soft and filled with warmth. "You don't look so sad anymore"

"Neither do you" Noah replied back, still gazing at Luke.

Luke shrugged, trying to shake of the emotions that were floating inside of him, the fear, anger and loss, but along all that where also happiness, life and even a bit of love. It scared him because it made him want to run and hide as fast as he could, and yet a part of his heart was beating a little stronger because of the man that stood in front of him, tall and gorgeous. "Well, I've found something worth living for"

"What?" Noah asked in a whisper.

But before Luke had time the stable door opened with a creak and behind them, stood Cody, a smile on his face as he walked through the stable and stopped near Luke.

"Luke" Cody smiled as he faced him.

"Cody" Luke muttered back, trying not to roll his eyes towards Cody, as he held Noah gaze.

"Noah" Cody said, his voice suddenly cold and that bright smile was gone, replaced with a frown.

"Cody" Noah replied, his voice flat as he kept gazing back at Luke, feeling a sense of calm washing over him, those brown eyes had him under his spell, that was for sure.

" So how is she?" Cody asked, making Noah break the connection between Luke and Him.

"What?" He asked, his eye browns furrowed.

"Yeah, I heard about what happened… Is she okay?"

Luke saw how Noah clenched his fist as he starred back at Cody with anger in his eyes.

"Since it's partly your fault, I don't see why this concerns you"

Luke starred from Noah to Cody, confused, and then back to Wild Fire who was standing in her box, eating a bit of hay. "You're not talking about the horse, right?"

Noah glanced back at Luke and as fast as the anger had come, it was gone. The warmth was back as he spoke softly. "No Luke, we are not talking about Wild Fire, in fact, we are not talking about this at all, because it's this is not Cody's business." His gaze returned to Cody, who stood there with a smug on his face.

"I would be careful around Noah if I were you Luke. You can't trust this man because before you know it, he'll have you twisted around your finger with his family drama" and with that he left, his footsteps echoing against the stone floor.

"You too huh?" Luke asked as he once again moved closer to Noah who was standing with his arms crossed and a frown on his beautiful face.

Noah nodded as he brushed a hand through his hair, unaware of what he was going to Luke who stood there, following his hand as it brushed through his hair. "Yeah, me too until he found out some stuff about me, that he clearly didn't like" Noah said with a sight. "After that he started calling me a liar and that this wasn't what he had sighed up for."

"You're telling me you have dark secrets?" Luke asked with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't we all?" Noah asked back, but that smile Luke had learned to love in just a couple of seconds was back.

"Yeah, I guess so" Luke replied, nodding.

But when Jupiter neighed, Luke was brought back to the reality that he didn't want to face. "It seems that I have a horse to take care of"

"Yes, it seems that you do"

"Are you heading out or?" Luke asked as he nodded towards the doors that led out.

Noah shook his head. "No I was actually on my way home"

"Oh..I'm sorry, I hope I didn't take up to much of your time"

"Don't worry about it Luke"

"It was good seeing you again" It was clear that Noah had somewhere else to be and for some reason, the feeling of watching Noah leave, left a lump in his throat.

"You too"

"Bye Luke" Noah said as he started backing towards the stable door, lifting his hand to wave a little.

Luke raised his hand too, still trying to hold back the lump in his throat as he saw the door being opened, this was it. "Bye Noah"

When he was gone, and the door closed, Luke leaned back against the wall, suddenly feeling tired.

_That was weird… I haven't felt something like this in such a long time_

It wasn't sadness, he knew that much, sadness he recognized when it came, and it wasn't lost either because he knew that feeling all to well, it dwelled inside his chest every waking minute. No, it was the same feeling he felt every time Scott had to go to one of his many business trips, the feeling of being separated from someone who meant something to him.

_But he isn't even mine… _

*

Luke opened the door and stepped into the small crowded restaurant, making sure to roll down his sleeves before stepping inside. The last thing he needed what people starring at him, he was to tired for it, and yet here he was, a public place, which he had been trying to avoid for the last 6 months. He looked around and tried to concentrate on his breathing, reminding himself that people couldn't see the scars he was carrying with him, that they were well hidden and safe behind layers of cloths and his heart.

As he let his gaze travel between the tables, seeing couples and waitresses, a man sitting alone with his back against him in one of the booth caught his eyes, the man's features looked so familiar, his heart skipped a beatand Luke found himself walking closer, an urge he couldn't explain.

_What the heck I'm I doing? Just because he looks like him, doesn't mean it has to be him.. This is ridiculous…I'm going insane._

His mind argued wildly as he got closer to the booth, and yet his heart kept beating fast and fast, hopeful and he wasn't disappointed when the man turned around, ready to call on a waiter.

"I thought that was you" Luke said, as he tried to stop his heart from racing, but the fact that Noah was sitting there, with that beautiful smile of his_. _He tried to ignore the look Noah had given him, the way his eyes had started to sparkle the minute Noah saw him standing there, or how good he smelled.

"Have a seat" Noah said as gestured to the chair. "I could use some company right now"

"Is everything okay?" Luke asked worried, as he sat down.

Noah smiled briefly. "Just work, don't really want to get into it right now" He said, keeping his voice soft.

Luke nodded and they let the subject past away, forgotten as they moved on from topic to topic and Luke found himself smiling more then he had done it a long time, and it didn't hurt. It didn't feel wrong, in fact it felt good to just be able to _be _for a moment.

Somehow Noah manage to take his pain away with words, smiles and laughter, and those glances that he kept giving him, made his heart doing loops after loops, and kept the sorrow and pain at bay for the moment. Because he knew that he moment he would go back to his apartment, it would only be a moment or two before he would break down again, cursing himself for his actions today, but despite all that, he didn't want the evening to end.

So when the waitress came with the bill, he tried not to sink back into his chair, the moment had come, when he had to say goodbye, again. To feel that lump in his throat that not even he could explain to himself why he felt that when ever time he had to say goodbye to Noah, which is you thought had only been twice.

He reached for the bill at the same time as Noah did, making their hand collide. Luke pulled back quickly, trying to ignore the spark he had felt at the simple yet quick touch.

"I'll take the bill" Noah said as he reached over once again and grabbed it from the table before Luke had anytime to do it.

"Fine" Luke muttered." But only if I can pay the next time"

"That's fine by me" Noah replied, trying to ignore the way his heart jumped when he heard those words. "Ready to head come?`" He asked as he stood up and reached out his hand to help Luke out.

Luke flashed him a smile before grabbing the hand he was offering and together they walked out through the restaurant, into the warm summer night. As they walked by the shops, Luke noticed that either of them had let go of the other persons hand and he tried to hold back a smile at the sight.

To fast for Luke's liking they reached his apartment, both stopping in front of it. He saw how Noah glanced at him and then towards the door, with a hesitant look. Both of them looked down at their entwined hands, Noah's thumb was stroking his hand slowly, sending goose bumps down his spine.

"I had a really good time today" Noah whispers softly.

"Me too"

"I guess this is good night then" Luke said as he looked down at their hands again, trying to hold back that lump.

Noah nodded as he starred down at the floor. "Yeah, I guess it is…" His voice sounded so sad, like this hurt him as much as it did towards Luke. "I call you" He promised as he lifted their entwined hands and kissed Luke palm softly before letting go of his hold. Luke tried not to mourn the loss and suddenly the urge to run inside the apartment and just fall apart, overwhelmed him and he mumbled a hasty before turning towards the door and pulling out the key. He was aware that Noah was starring at him the whole time, but he refused to let himself break apart in front of him.

He thought he heard Noah replied a soft good night back, but he didn't really care as he opened the door and slipped inside before leaning against the door . He let out a deep breath as the tears finally came.

*

Noah starred at the door before turning around to start the walk home but halfway through the corridor he turned around and headed back to Luke's apartment. Just as he was about to knock, he turned around again and started walking towards the exit.

_Carpe Diem! _

His mind shouted at him as he walked away from the door. Noah sighted as he tapped his fingers onto the door handle, standing between the way out and the way in.

"Oh, what the hell" He mumbled to himself as he walked back towards Luke's apartment, one last time. He knocked softly at the door, impatient even if the door only opened a second later. When he had managed to collect himself to find a devastated Luke standing there, he reacted by pure instinct as he reached out his hand and touched Luke's face, the tears was stilling lingering there.

Luke leaned into the touch as he looked up into Noah's sapphire blue eyes.

Noah felt something inside of him snap at the sight of Luke. He closed his eyes tightly as he raised his hands and pulled Luke closer to him, his hands gripping Luke's shirt tightly. Noah moaned softly into the moist lips pressed against his own. Luke's tongue suddenly darted out, mapping his lips and Noah opened his mouth more, feeling as it swept into his mouth and brushed over his own.

Luke tilted his head further, trying to get closer, trying to feel more. His hips moved rhythmically straining to get contact, his heart pounding in his chest, as he mapped out every part of the soft wet cavern of the Noah's mouth.

Luke moaned, his head and body fully aware of everything Noah's mouth was doing to him. It wasn't enough, it didn't feel enough, it would never be enough. The last string of insanity and the part of him that knew this wasn't the right time, made Noah pulled apart, his lips puffy and red. "Good night then" He whispered before turning around and leaving a very stunned and aroused Luke.

"Good Night" Luke managed to whisper back, trying to grasp what had just happened as he leaned against the wall. Yup, he was defiantly feeling better.


	4. Chapter 4

An: Warning.. This chapter is a bit.. poetic at some part.. Not to worry, everything will be returning to normal in the next chapter.. Oh and before I forget..There is a two-way conversation going in both Luke's and Noah's mind... They are marked like this:

**_"I love you"_**

_"No..You don't"_

*Anna runs and hide.. as she shakes her head...* I don't know how this chapter turned out this way!

*

**Healing The Scars **

**Chapter 4 **

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.- King Whitney Jr.

*

_**Just call him, you idiot! You know you liked the kiss.. Hell, you freaking loved it and even a week later, all you can think of is that damn kiss… Noah pressing you against the wall, his hot body against yours as he slide a hand through your hair, moaning while his tongue is creating magic even you didn't know existed! Call him for crying out loud!**_

_Scott… It to soon to be dating someone else, and yes, the kiss was amazing, but let's not be hasty here… Noah is a nice guy, but it's not fair to Scott, to his memory… He still love him with all his heart...It's to soon…_

_**But think of his blue amazing eyes… his tasteful lips…that smile that it do die for…a true god, not to mention he saved your life!**_

_Yes, he's handsome, I'll give you that, and he saved our life, and it was his job, he would have died for him, to get him out of their, and he would have died for Scott to, because it's his job. We've only been on a date that ended with it a kiss.. Too fast Luke, too fast and you know it…_

_**An amazing kiss, keep that in mind.. But If we keep on arguing about this, time will fly away and soon we won't even have a reason to call because Noah will have moved on by then..**_

_No he's not like that… He's a sweet and loving man, and it's clear that he's pretty interested in us…_

_**Hello, weren't you the one against this…**_

_I'm just pointing out that we doesn't have to rush it…_

_**Rush it? You're not even trying here…He not even doing anything about it… All he's been doing is staring at the phone, picking it up, dialing the number, sighting before hanging up the phone and then start that damn pace again…**_

_He's trying to find the courage… It's not like he's been dating THAT many guys.. Scott was his first love, remember! And you never get over your first love…_

_**Duh.. I'm not born yesterday, but Scott isn't here anymore. And I know, it's hard to let go, just like that but he has to move on if he want to heal those wounds that he's carrying inside of him. It will tear him apart, until there isn't a Luke left, he needs to do something! And if he keeps this pace up, we'll end up getting grey hair , and not even Noah is THAT patient… **_

Luke sighted as he sat down on the chair, massaging his aching head with his fingertips. He had been going over the same reason over and over, trying to see it from different angels, but all of them lead up to the same thing; call Noah, before it was to late. If he didn't he could end up losing the one good things that had happened in his life since the accident.

That man made him want so much more. Noah made him feel again, to take a step out from the bubble he had created around him, and the way Noah was looking at him sometimes, was like he understood what Luke was going through. Like he knew how tough and hard it was to adjust to this new life filled with question and looks that he wasn't sure how to answer.

_I don't know you, stranger, but you came like a knight in shining armor and saved me from flames and pain. From the darkness that's surrounding me day and night. The memories that keeps on hunting me and the guilt of being alive. You make me want so many things I thought I could never have again, things I didn't think I deserved. You made you, my reason to live and breath a day longer, just to see that beautiful smile._

_* _

_**Oh, god, what did I do… I can't believe I kissed him like that…**_

_You healed a wound for a while with that kiss, you did something good, by showing him that he doesn't have to live the way he does, that it's okay to be happy for a while. _

_**I just can't believe I kissed him like that… What if he hates me for it? I'm not his husband, I can't replace the pain he's feeling and I can't take it away with a kiss, it doesn't work that way. **_

_Judging by the respond you got back, I doubt it he hated it…on the contrary…_

_**But why isn't he picking up the phone…**_

_Maybe he's scared of this… This is something new from him after living inside himself for long, to feel something different then pain. To be…loved…_

_**I don't love him.. I barley know him!**_

_Maybe he love you and you care about him… I see it in your eyes, the way you look at him. And it's like you two have this secret language, you understand each other, and I know you're not going to give him up this easy, even if your scared of getting hurt again…._

_**I'm not scared…**_

_A part of you is.. You're scared for her, what they and especially he would think if him if you bring him into your life.. But both of us know it doesn't matter because your heart has already learn how to love him, it craves the contact of him…_

_**I can't rush him, he's not ready for that.. Hell, I don't think he's ready for anything big yet…I'm not ready!**_

_But he will be and so will you… It's all about time and one day you'll love him, and he'll love you, . Until then, both of you just need time to heal those wounds that you carry around.. _

Noah sighted as he as sat down on the chair, massaging his aching head with his fingertips. He had been going over the same reason over and over, trying to see it from different angels, but all of them lead up to the same thing; He wanted Luke, he needed Luke, but how was he going to be able to show him, without making him run as fast as he could, away from him?

His life wasn't easy, it was full with drama, it was hectic and his job was tearing him apart. Could he really bring Luke into all that, if he called him? Would he want to stay when he found how, how similar their life's used to be? And his scars hadn't either fully healed…

_And yet, my heart as already made up it's mind. It starts to pound a little harder and faster, just by the thought of Luke. It already knows and feels what my mind can't decide, and in the end, it will win…_

_But, Luke, you saved me that day in the stable, because I know I'm your reason to keep on breathing, and I want to keep being your reason. I want to make you smile and laugh, I want to help you heal your wounds, to get a closure. I want to be there, by your side… Because you gave me another reason to stay alive, to stay safe from harm and danger, you make me feel so much.. Too much, feelings I never had before, and I never want them to disappear._

_* _

Two different kitchen's, in two different houses, a blue and a black phone is lying in front of, two opposite and yet similar in some ways, people. The taller with the blue phone is sitting in a chair, with his head in his hands, thinking of a possible future is that damn phone would starting ringing.

In another house, by the black phone, sit's the shorter man, massaging his head, as he tried to find courage to change his future, into something better but to do that, he need to pick up the damn phone…

Both of them, can't help to think, how funny it is, that this little device, this thing in front of them, has control of so much. And yet neither of them has the guts to pick it up and make that stupid call, do scared of changes, even if it could leave to something good.

*

Luke knows he's being silly. It's one phone call, how hard could that be? Dial a number, wait for someone to pick up and then talk. But there is something about saying the word, "I want you get to know you" scares him shitless. Because it means he has to say goodbye to Scott, to let go of the fact that he isn't a husband anymore.

But the hours passes, and the phone is lying there, so still.

_There is another way…_

He used to be a writer. He used to know of to form words and sentences that none else could, to create something…and he used to love it with all his heart, but those words left him the same day he woke up in the hospital attached on IV. The same day his heart broke, so did his writing, and along with it, the passion…But here it was, that passion, the word, waiting to be written.

**I'm being silly, there is something about picking up the phone that scares me.. I don't know it is the fact that I would bare hearing you say no or maybe even goodbye.. It would be to painful, so I'm taking the cowards way and refuse to do this face to face..**

**But I want you to know that I want get to know you. I want to know what makes you laugh and cry, your fears and those dark secrets that you never tell anyone…**

**I want to be your reason to smile when you wake up, and one day I do hope that's what I'll be doing, waking up next to you. I want so much, and yet, I'm so scared, but I do want it, more then anything…**

**Because you give me a reason to get up in the morning and leave this house of mine. **

**A good start would be that dinner I was promised to pay…**

*

Luke got an answer within a day…and the note made him smile, because that was what it was. A note, no stamps or anything… Noah had been by his door, he had been so close to him and the short answer that was scribble down hasty make him smile..

**Same here…**

**Friday at 6... I'll pick you up… **

It didn't matter that it was short, but the word and promises what there in nine word, was a possible future he never thought he would find.

*

Luke was running around in the apartment, throwing another shirt on the floor as he rushed to get another. He had changed too many times for his own good and half of his closet was spread out in the apartment. This moment was going to be important, this was going to be his first date, (and no, that one at the restaurant didn't really count. This was a real date, those get changed and dress up fancy dates…)

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Luke froze. He took a quick look in the mirror, a hand trying to style his hair, before opening the door.

The first word that came to Luke's mind was gorgeous. Noah was dressed in a black pants and a navy blue shirt, and that smile that he had learned was for him and him only, was planted on Noah's face.

"Hi" Luke could finally breath.

"Hi"

"Hi"

Noah chuckled. "Haven't we done this dance before?" He asked with a smile as he took a step closer.

"But it's our dance, and I love dancing it with you. I makes me feel less nervous"

Luke said as he fixed his shirt one more time, even thought it already looked fine and somehow, the tension had dropped. Suddenly, it was just them, and no pressure at all… No promises, just a feeling, and somehow, Luke knew that no matter how the night would turn out, he would love it anyway. Because he was with Noah, and that made all the difference in the world. Them, was going to get complicated, Luke knew it. He knew that his own wounds would cause bumps, but this moment right here, at Luke's threshold, was the first step…

_This is step, a step towards what us. A Us I'm completely terrified for, and a Us, I can't wait see… I want to learn how to love you, and this, right here, this dance that we're doing, is a step into that direction… _


	5. Chapter 5

**Healing The Scars **

**Chapter 5**

**Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life - .Joan Lunden**

Luke looked down at their entangled hands, and he couldn't stop grinning has he tugged at their entwined connection, feeling Noah following the movement.

"What?" Noah asked with a smile, raising an eye brown.

Luke shook his head "Nothing…"

No matter how hard he tried, (not that he was trying so hard) he couldn't whip that stupid and, what he image was a silly grin, off his face. There was something about holding Noah's hand that brought him a feeling of home. And the way Noah was looking at him, with comforting blue eyes, made him feel safe.

"Just you being you" He added softly as he quickly ducked his head to hide the blush that was spreading.

"And it that a bad thing?" Noah asked with a chuckle, his eyes sparkling as he pulled Luke closer.

"No…"

They continued to walk in silence through the almost empty park; casting glanced towards each other now and then.

"Truth or dare?"

"What?" Noah suddenly stopped as he looked at Luke, confusion written all over his face.

"Truth" Luke tugged at Noah's hand, as he continue walking " or dare?"

Noah raised an eye brown as he followed in Luke's steps and was about to ask "really?" but stopped when he saw the look Luke was wearing. It was telling him a different story; his eyes were almost begging him to just go alone with this.

With a smile he said "Truth"

For a moment, Luke seemed to be lost in his thoughts, biting his lip in concentration but as he looked up, Noah couldn't help but to notice the seriousness in his brown eyes "Tell me something that no one else on know about you"

"I'm scared of fire" and there was no lie in Noah's eyes as he gazed back at Luke. "I was in an accident a couple of years ago, actually some would call it a lifetime ago" Noah chuckled slightly as he lowered his gaze for a moment, turning silent.

"Then why..." Luke trailed off, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"The why on earth do I run into burning building that could collapse at any moment? Why do I risk my life every day, with fear as my constant companion?" Noah paused. "I was lucky, that's all. I was lucky enough to walk away without a scar on my body, while others as to carry their scars for the rest of their life."

"And you want to save them, to what, return the favor?" He got a nod as reply. "Not all scars as to be visible to know that they are there" Luke said softly as he pulled Noah to a bench and sat down. "But it doesn't mean that they don't hurt any less"

Noah nodded slightly as he sat down, trying to blink away the tears. He hated having these conversations, partly because he wanted to move on and away from his past. He didn't want Luke to see him this broken. "It's nothing compared to your own scars" He whispered quietly, and if the night hadn't been so still and peaceful, the words hadn't been possible to hear. "I know that all too well Luke. It's the scars that are visible that hurt so much more because they are a constant reminder of what happened to you, and they make it harder to forget about the pain and the past"

Luke titled his head in wonder as he looked at the beautiful man in front of him, who was trying his best not to break down in front of him. "Is that what Cody was referring to, when we were at the stable the other day? That he hadn't signed up for you being a bit damaged too..?" Luke asked as he cupped Noah's face to make him look at him.

Noah nodded slightly "A part of it, yes"

There was a trace of sadness in his voice as he meet Luke's intensive gaze that seemed to be saying a million things at once. Things that made Noah run as far as possible, and things that made him never want to leave. With a sight, he leaned into the touch. "I lo-like you for who you are"

Noah lowered his gaze down. "You don't even know me" He mumbled. He was more then surprised when he heard Luke laugh. "A bit thickheaded are we? I do want to know you" He smiled. "Or do you want me to re-read that letter to you?" He asked, tilting his head as he tried to catch Noah's eyes, whose head was down in an attempt of trying to hide the blush. "You saved me Noah. In more way then just one, so if you think I'm leaving because you happened to be broken too, think again." Luke became seriously, even if the resurging smile was still there. "You're making me feel things I've never felt before, not even with Scott, and you give me so much. I'm not willing to give all of that up"

He was met with a silent reply, but he felt Noah shift, pulling him closer. "Truth or dare?" Luke whispered as he looked at Noah under his eyelashes.

Noah raised an eye brown. "Isn't it usually the other way around?" Noah teased the atmosphere lighter. But a look from Luke is all it takes as he changes his mind; those brown eyes were once again begging him.

"Dare"

Luke looked at him, nervously "Kiss me?" He asked in a tiny voice that almost passed Noah, almost.

Noah smiled as he leaned in and kissed Luke. Now this was the Luke he had started to know and Luke forgot why he even was nervous in the first place. Noah is hesitant at first, and Luke can feel the restraint in him, as if he's afraid to hurt him if he lets go. Luke lures the restraint away, tugging at Noah's bottom lip, pulling him even closer with a hand until Noah sighs, just once, like he was letting go.

"You never have to ask" Noah whispered as he pulled way for a moment, his breath hot and warm across Luke's skin. He leaned his forehead against Luke and they stay like so for a moment, between kisses, between change, between time.

"Luke?" An older female voice called out and Luke squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself freeze in Noah's warm embrace. He wanted to snuggle deeper into it, let it protect and shield him from this moment. "Luke, that is you, isn't it?" The voice was soft to Luke's own surprise.

_You should be angry…_

He leaned into Noah's arms for a second longer before opening his eyes and turned around to face the woman. "Mrs Jones" Luke greeted her as he felt Noah's taking his hand.

"You're alive" She mumbled astonished as she looked at him with green eyes, those eyes that used to belong to a person he was proud to have called mother, was gone. There no love or any kind of affection in them anymore.

"Yes, I am" Luke had never felt so ashamed for being the one who survived, but standing in front of Scott's mom, was like standing at the edge of hell. The moment he had looked her in the eyes, he saw it, the hate, the anger, the resentment that laid there, a burning flame.

"I didn't see you at the funeral" She said, frowning at him.

"I was still in the hospital, recovering" He replied quietly, feeling Noah squeeze his hand.

"You look perfectly fine to me" She snorted as she looked at him with cold eyes. "Unlike my son who's dead and gone" Her voice cracked a bit as she did her best to compose herself and a part of Luke was glad to see that, it meant on some level, the grief hadn't made her into a person made of stone. "You killed him" The stare was back. "You killed my son"

"I d-didn't" Luke tired, but he was struggling to get the words out. They were there, ready to protest with a strong voice, but were getting tangled in the lump that was starting to form as he tried blinking away the tears. He stood there, helpless.

"You're a murderer, a liar and a cowered!" She yelled as she pointer her finger at him "Stand for what you have done!"

"With all do respect Mrs Jones" Noah stepped forward as he saw how Luke was ready to break down. "Luke didn't kill your son, it was an accident, as you were well informed at the hospital" Noah said, trying to keep his voice soft.

"Who the hell are you?" She glared at Noah, turning the attention away from Luke, but only for a second. "So, this is the man who's replaced my son? You're a slut too, Luke? Did your marriage mean so little? Because it certainly didn't take you long to replace Scott, with this…" She pointed at Noah and paused, trying to find the right word. She went silent when it was clear there where no words left to fill the anger and pain she was feeling towards Luke.

"I have no idea why we ever welcomed you to our family. Now I understand why your mom left you and your siblings" She said coldly, before turning around and walking away and back to where she had come from, leaving a shocking Luke.

"Hey" Noah began, stepping closer to Luke who had started to shake at the moment, reality catching up. "It's going to be okay" He said softly, as he pulled Luke into a hug.

"She's right" Luke voice cracked as he tried wipe away the tears that were rolling across his cheeks. "I can't do this Noah" He struggled to get out of the embrace he wanted to be in. "She's right" He repeated as he stumbled backwards and away from Noah. "I killed her son, I killed my husband and now I'm dishonouring his memory…"

Noah tried catching him, but he ended up fumbling for nothing but empty, cold air. "No, no you didn't Luke. It was an accident; none of it was your fault!"

"Yes, it was" He furiously wiped away the flood of tears, trying to compose himself. "I don't deserve to be happy, not after what I did. It should have been me who died that day, not Scott. If only I had know. He was freaking home! I saw the shoes, I felt the kiss on my forehead and I hear the floor creak as he walked over it! I hear it all, and I let my mind think it was just a dream! ."

"Don't you dare" Noah growled as he stepped into Luke's space. "Don't you dare try apologize for being alive. You told me that I'm your reason to get up in the morning, let me be that reason, and don't push me away" Noah begged. "I know that she brought up everything and all you want to do right now is to run and hide, back to that dark place that you've tried for months, escaping, and now she's pushing you back into that whole." He reached out for Luke's hand and was glad when he didn't pull away. "Don't you dare go back to that place Luke, it will swallow you whole. Don't you dare give up on Us because of what she said" Noah felt his own tears coming. He wasn't going to break down, not now, not when Luke needed him the most.

_I love you… I have never loved anyone else.. You can't leave Luke, you can't… I'm not ready to lose you!_

"I'm sorry Noah" _I'm sorry for making you believe that we could have something, I'm sorry for breaking your heart, and I'm sorry that I can't be the man that you expected me to be…_

Luke pulled his hand away, refusing to look Noah in the eyes as he whispered "Goodbye" and with that he ran, as fast as he could back to his own apartment, with Carole's voice ringing in his ears. _You killed my son… _

He slammed the door shut, making sure to lock all the locks.

_None comes in and none goes out…Now… where that whisky bottle…is I know I bought it a month ago, didn't drink it but made sure to hide it from myself…Aaa… there it is.. This should take care of…everything.._

Luke starred at the whisky bottle for a moment, hesitantly, but as those word came back, he took the first sip, and then another one.. Hopefully, but the end of the night, he would be drunk enough to go through with his plan…


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Well..Here is is, a day delayed because of my stupid cough.. This chapter didn't turn out as good as I would have liked it do, in fact, I'm pretty sure I hate it.. Here you go.**

**Healing The Scars**

**Chapter 6**

"_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."_

_Neil Gaiman _

Somewhere, in an apartment, lays a man, hoping that darkness, which has caused his broken heart nothing but ache, is coming to finally get him. An empty bottle of whisky is lying near the man's feet and next to it is one single candle; the last little flam is clinging to the matt, trying to survive as it starts to spread.

A blond man, someone would call him a boy, is praying for death to embrace him. To try to undo what has been, by giving back the life he wasn't supposed to have, the love from Noah Mayer he hadn't any right of claiming.

Oh, he waits, as the buzz from the whisky is having its effect, knocking his mind out, and that dying flame, isn't dying anymore. Strong and beautiful, it light up the apartment, as the flames once again grows bigger.

A peaceful and painless death, some would have called it. Until the next day, when they would get to know the whole story, the news paper would come, and they would all read of the young boy who lost his reason to live, because of an accident that wasn't his fault. They would read, and one man, who knew he had made his biggest mistake, would weep.

Somehow, with everything just passing by in a haze, a white fog, Noah had made it back to the house, only to be kicked out. She had yelled a lot when she got the whole story out of him, in only a matter of seconds.

"Are you insane?"She had said, as her hands flew around in anger as she glared at him, and for a moment he had forgotten that the rolls should have been reversed."Have you completely lost your mind? You can't let him walk away now, especially not after what you told me what just happened. He needs you the most" She had said to a confused Noah who had stood there, trying not to break.

"Remember how you felt after the accident!" She had tried her voice softer. "Remember how I was after the accident, and then multiply that ten times. Luke has no reason to live, expect you, and right now, he thinks he's managed to push you out of his life too"And at that, something had managed to click inside of him as she pushed him through the door, but not before adding; "I know you love him" She had give him a glare that said "don't you dare argue with me on this one" which had shut up him, letting she continue, "I won't let you step through this door before you come back, either tomorrow, or today, with him. Don't let the best thing that have ever happened to you, slip

away" and before Noah had anytime to argue back, or even say a word, she had pushing him out on the street, and closed the door.  
So here he was know, his chest is burning from of the lack of air as he ran down the street, block after block, long limbs stretching as he ran, ranto save the love of his life. It feels like a lifetime passes before he reached the wooden door that leads into Luke's apartment.

"Luke" He shouted as he knocked. "I know that you're in there and I'm not leaving until you opened the door!" He was greeted with silence. "Come on" He knocked again, louder.

The words from earlier was suddenly whispering to him, and he started pacing back and forth the small corridor, fearing the worst. "LUKE!"

He knew his was getting desperate, but the images of Luke lying on the floor, lifeless, wouldn't stop.

He was just about to knock again, when the familiar smell of smoke filled his nose, and he froze in fear.

_No... No, he wouldn't do that... He wouldn't"_

Noah shook his head as he stared at the door in disbelief. "It was supposed to be me be, not Scott" Luke's voice whispered to him… "It's my fault!" Without hesitation, Noah made a run against the door, and with a bang; the door fell from its holds.

He could feel his heart race as he walked into the apartment, scanning the room quickly for any sigh of Luke, and he felt his heart skip a beat when he saw him. There, on the floor, passed out, with an empty bottle next to him, laid his Luke. Then, he noticed the fire that was spreading, and his instincts kicked in.

"Oh Luke" He sank to his knees and lifted him up from the floor and headed to the bedroom, who's doors was slightly opened. It didn't take long for him to strip him to his underwear before pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a clean shirt. Noah gazed at him one more time before softly closing the door, and getting comfortable on couch.

He can't stop. Those guttural, primal screams tear at his throat, and he's crying, reaching for something he can't touch and begging someone, anyone to turn on the light.

"Luke. Luke, wake up. Come on, Luke, wake up."

Someone is shaking him; a bedside lamp clicks on, and he can see Noah's face, blue-eyed and worried. His voice gives out, and the screams stop, becoming instead noisy gasps for breath.

He cried so hard as his lungs tries to gasp for air, something he hasn't done since the day he woke up at hospital. He's till half-asleep, nothing makes sense. Noah is standing there, looking like an angel, why was he standing there?

A soft scrap of cloth is brushing his face, his nose, as if he were a child. Noah holding him now, murmuring comforting words into his hair, his arms tight around his so he can't run away. He grips the shirt as if was the last anchor to reality and he cries.

"I...I...couldn't," he gasped broken and afraid, "I wasn't fast enough." He untangles the sheets from around his legs, without ever letting go of Noah, his minds still a fog.

"Don't go," he whispered, tired, and he felt Noah squeezing his hand, a light feather kiss on his forehead.

"Not goin' anywhere." Noah hushed him as he feels Luke snuggle closer to him, holding on tight as if he's afraid to let go.

From the gentle brush, Noah knows Luke is still in there somewhere, veiled now behind a hastily built armor of pain and grief and so much sorrow. Noah wishes he could break through it, reach in like a bee to a tulip, push past the delicate shield of petals and take the sweet pollen inside for his own, but he knows more than anyone that defenses are there for a reason that tearing them down will only repair them thicker. It's not fair, he thinks as watches him falling back to sleep, and it becomes the guilt in his soul, it's not fair that Luke's feeling like this, but he knows, as he gazes down at his sleeping angel, that there is no way that he can stop loving him. No matter what.

The sunlight is casting its morning shadow over the bedroom, announcing the new day. Luke wakes up, feeling someone playing with his hair, and gazes up to meet a pair of blue eyes that somehow are smiling warmly at him. They don't judge.

The few fragments of the previous night come back to him, and for a moment, he snuggles deeper into the cover. "Can we forget that last night never happened?" Luke murmured quietly as he played with Noah's other hand who wasn't in his hair. He can feel the guilt rise within him, stronger with every minute.

"I kind of like last night" Noah tried, but stopped as he felt Luke froze. "We can't take back our actions Luke, and what we do, have consequences, but this time, I'm letting you off the hook this time. Just don't ever try something like that again; you nearly scared the life out of me"

"Sorry"

"Don't" Noah said as he looked down to meet Luke's gaze. "You have nothing to apologize for Luke"

"But"

"What you did was stupid, I admit that" Noah interrupted. "But you're human Luke, it's okay for you to make mistakes, and you have nothing to apologize for. You had a bad day and you did something that could have ended badly, which thankfully did not. That doesn't mean we're not going to talk about this, because we are, just no right now, because I know that would make you run and hide all over again. "

"How can you be like that?" Luke raised his head and glanced at Noah.

"Like what?"

"So… Calm?" He asked.

Noah went quite as for a moment as he continued to play with Luke's hair. "Because I used to be where you are Luke, I used to hate life and wished that the people I saw die instead of me, took my place." He gazed at Luke to see if he was listing; his brown eyes starting questionably back at him. It's true that I don't have any scars to prove it, not any you can see, and I am better now, but I do have scars, and I want to show them to you" He reached out a hand and touched Luke's cheek. "That is, if you want me too."

Luke sees Noah smile as he reached for his phone again. He had been doing that for the last half hour, texting back and forth with someone, while holding a tight hold on Luke.

"Where are we going?" Luke asked as Noah started walking again.

"It seems" Noah looked down at his phone again. "That we are going to the library"

Luke raised an eyebrow. "I'm unsticking a little" Noah said with a smile as he leaded them through the library. He sees Noah gazing, searching for someone and soon breaks out in a smile as he sees her.

"Cassie" He said softly as he took a step forward to a girl who was sitting on near the window, with a heavy book in her lap and an Ipod lying next to her. The first thing Luke notice about her is a scars, stretching across her arm. It's partly hidden behind a white shirt, but it's there… A similar burn mark, almost identical to Luke's, expect hers, isn't as invisible as his. It's thicker, wider, and takes up more space.

"It's hard not to look is it?" Luke snapped his eyes up and is greeted with a pair of green eyes. "Even if you have one yourself, it's hard not to look, and wonder?" Her voice is calm as she met his curios gaze, and her eyes don't hold any anger.

TBC


End file.
